Self-psychologist

I find my acting sort of weird. I've always thought of myself as a rather social person (even though I have a history of being asocial). The thing is I find myself wanting to spend lots of time just by myself after parties and such. I think I might be getting overloads of talking to people and trying to be social and nice. This it what happened just this last weekend. Friday there was aparty with lots of people and new people and such. It was fun and all till I just had enough and went home. I might have left kind of rudely though I tried to notify everyone I was leaving and such instead of doing what I usually do and just disappearing. And then on Saturday I just wasn't feeling at all social though there would have been a party.

I can think of a number of reasons for this kind of behavior. 1. It just takes way too much energy to try to make friends and I know that I like to just go with the flow when it comes to making friends. People either will end up being friends or not - not much use working too hard at it. 2. "I don't think anyone much cares for my company" (bad self-esteem??) and so I don't care back. Well no one did call me on Saturday to ask to go to the party, which was somewhere, I don't know exactly where. 3. Other people just live too far away and I'm lazy. 4. My fear of phone conversations which I think is gone by now but might haunt me still. 5. Other people speak better German and so I just shut up when they do speak it. 6. I like reading more than hanging out with people drinking?? (Oh I just finished my book and I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll panic. No book to read and no episodes of 4400.)

But the point is I don't think I've ever worked this hard on trying to make friends. It's silly that's what it is. Well I am kind of getting bored of the drinking too. So what is there to do? Maybe I just don't need that much socialising having lived alone for the past year and before that too. Though I won't give up yet. I'll go home and eat something and then it should be off to the movies unless I'm stood up. (Has been known to happen here) I didn't have lunch because it rained so I'm starving just having eaten chips. I hope we'll have dinner before the movie. Gotta make calls.

Good news, weirds lunch habits and swimming

So today I found out I can most likely (98%) stay living in the appartment that I am now living in for the rest of my time here. Really great. A place all for me with no-one coming to make my bed in the morning or clean my bathroom for me. (That's what they do in the company housing.) I can also have as many guests as I want over for as long as I like. (No over-night guests allowed in the company housing.) So everyone: welcome for a visit!

Ok, so I go to have a sandwich for lunch like every other day in a cafe outside the company property. (Every other day I eat with my friends.) So I go and ask for the one "ohne fleisch" and a smoothie-like drink. No problem there but you should see what some of the people have. Like yesterday this one man had the opposite of what I was having. He had this huge piece of meat on this little roll. I think it is some sort of sausage-like thing but it's huge. They cut the people like 2*15*15 cm pieces from this block of processed meat. It might not sound weird but seeing that blob of meat on like a 5cm (diameter) roll sort of has me wondering. I think the roll is there just to keep peoples hands clean while eating the meat. I mean I used to wonder when my little brother put like 5 slices of meat on his sandwiches but compared to this that was nothing.

Didn't go to the skating thing yesterday even though I got new bearings. I went swimming instead. No suprise there. I'm going again today as long as it doesn't start raining. Looks a bit like it might. But me and my friends should be going out for pizza anyway. We found this good Italian restaurant on Monday. Big pizzas made with fresh ingredients. Last time I wasn't hungry so I just had some tiramisu they made fresh just for me. It was good and there was a lot of it.

Quickly now.

The party was great. People liked the punch even though I thought it was a bit too tropical though tropical was what I was going for. Should have had lemon juice to put in mine...:) Even went to this disco place afterwards and I got to dance a bit. Weird system of payment there. Everyone got this card when we came in and all the buying was recorded on that and people had to pay when they left. Now how safe is that. Not for Finnish people I'm sure. I like paying for things when I get them. Though I do use my credit card sometimes. But not here since this is apparently not a sophisticated enough place to have the possibility to pay with it even in like supermarkets and such.

Well I have to get going home. Going to the bigger city across the river for some shopping today. i have to buy new bearings for my inline skates because the old ones sound terrible and work bad too. There's this skating thing tomorrow where they skate like 30km on like the roads in this big bunch. It sounds like fun and it's free. My boss might come with me so it should be good.

Also most likely going to the Irish pub again today. They have a pub quiz. Should go to sleep early though. Had trouble sleeping since it's so hot. I have the fan blowing on me and no blanket and like no clothes but it's still too hot. But it's good when going out to bars at night since we can stay on the terrace for so the whole night. I does not get cold. In the morning my glass of water is too hot to drink. I think I could make tee into it and it would be good to drink... Not even kidding.

Things are good

Went swimming yesterday with my new air matress. It was really fun. Probably looked it too cause the guy I was with kept laughing at me. Yeah it was just me and this one guy since everyone else went earlier and they had left by the time we got there. But no problem. I had fun cooling off in the water. I would go today too since other people are going but I have to go shopping and I should also do laundry finally since I got my washing tokens. 2eur for one wash and 1.5eur for drying. Really expensive and I don't think the machines are that big.

Also went to an Irish pub yesterday after swimming. Went to take a shower at home and then left. The guy I was swimming with was there but nobody else I had talked to so I joined him in this big crowd of people who apparently all work at the same place as I and all the other people I know. I had seen like 2 of them before at lunch. The point here is that after like 30min the only guy I knew left and I was left alone so I just turned to the guy sitting nearest to me and started talking to him. I was like "Hi, I'm Elisa and the only person I know just left..." It was funny. Well the rest of the gang of people I do know turned up at some point in the evening to save me from pestering that one guy for the whole night. Had enough to drink, sang karaoke with the bunch and got home at 1 o'clock.

Was fun waking up at 6:40 the next morning. But today's been nice. Just me at work since the lab assistant I work with is home sick and my instructor is has been at a seminar all week. I've been researching my subject and I've figured out how to organize all the articles. I had a long lunch with friends too so that was nice. Probably going to a winefest tonight. Uh oh. I don't want to leave work to go outside in the heat for shopping. I've got air-conditioning here so it is nice even though it doesn't feel so cool right now. I might just be hung over a bit. But I guess I have to go. Wish me luck for the party that's most likely still going to happen.

No news, just swimming

It is like really hot here. The temperature has been around 30°C for the whole time I've been here. Now it is even hotter. Apparently (saw a newspaper) it's not just here but continental Europe on the whole. People have died. But I don't know about stuff like that, current events. I haven't checked the news anywhere the whole time I've been here (other than the newspaper I just saw and it only contained local news of the wine district close to here in addition to the headline about the weather). I managed to not know who won the soccer competition for like a week and even then I just asked a friend to verify who won. I could have gone on for ages not knowing, I'm sure. I've just concentrated on reading stuff about the topic of my master's thesis and research. Interesting stuff luckily thought the work till now has been sort of boring. Just trying to make solutions of this compound and then make crystals in different ways. Maybe just the lack of interesting results is boring. But I can't talk about it more. Gotta be secretive.

I'm going swimming today again. Fun fun fun. I bought an air matress yesterday so now I can just chill in the water. I am so waiting forward to that. I would go right after work but I have to be home to finally buy tokens for the washing machine and dryer. I hope I get them and the building supervisor or whoever isn't late. I have to meet this guy at 10 past six and so I have like 5 minutes to get the tokens from the person apparently arriving at six. But Germans should be punctual. Oh yeah - swimming. Haven't seen the guy who pushed me under water yet. I hope I'll see him today so he won't think I'm still mad and don't like him. I think I'll just do my evil smile at him next time I see him.

The party planning is going good. I have to get alcohol tomorrow to make a punch. I've invited people and they say they are coming. I'm a bit worried about the noise from my appartment and how my neighbors will react but it should be fine. Just young people living in the building.

But off to the store now (and then swimming :D). Need bread and cucumber. (Chips, candy, cider, beer...) Oh, I bought a plant here. Can't live without one. It's really tiny and cute.
(Gotta say: Excuse my spelling.)

Still no trashbags...

Well yeah. I haven't got any yellow trash bags yet. Like how difficult can it be to take out the trash...? Most likely I'll just take my trash out in the middle of the night or more likely in the morning leaving for work and try to look normal while doing it so as not to alert attention to me breaking some weird law or whatever. But no problem since my appartment doesn't smell yet.

Haven't washed one machine of laundry since I came here. So I'm having this rather big laundry crisis. Must have written about this before but anyway. I have to wait for thursday but I'm rather sure I'll be off somewhere and forget or just be at home and forget. I could also try finding a laundrymat but that might just be too much trouble. But don't worry, I don't think I smell bad or anything and I have washed clothes by hand.

Next problem. There's no good supermarket near where I live. It's really weird. The other people must buy more food than what the stores here have to offer or else they have weird diets. No chance of getting any good vegetarian food other than vegetables of course. But the good news is I hear a rumor about this vegetarian store across the river. I'm going there tomorrow to see what they have. I must try to start cooking more than noodles and spagetti. I would jsut eat pizza but I have no oven. So no baking either. (Warning: I might either stop baking all together or when I come back there will be a huge feast for days...;))

Must get going home I guess. Have to go by the stores again to get cheese and if I can figure out where to get some sort of air matress for swimming I have to get one. Swimming is way more fun when there's no actual swimming included. So much to buy, so little time. I just have to study today. Gotta start taking writing my thesis seriously if I'm going to graduate.

I think I'm having a party on saturday. Maybe I should invite people.

Weekends over.

So I had an interesting weekend. Friday I ended up just staying home. I was feeling rather asocial or else I've gotten addicted to 4400 episodes (which is also bad since I only have like 2 more to watch... help). On Saturday I went shopping (and flip-flopping on my new flip-flops) and inline-skating and in the evening I was to meet the people I know at eight in the center. So I was early like I always am but having waited 20 after the arranged meeting time I got bored and called one of them. They hadn't even left yet. I got somewhat annoyed at this since I was getting thirsty and hungry. I decided to walk back home (3 blocks) and wait till they call me when they leave. Finally at half past nine thay show up at the place. People who know me can imagine I was a bit more hungry by now and was waiting for some food which we were supposed to get. No luck there. Apparently all of them had ate in the time I was waiting and so I had to go get some food luckily not by myself though. Well Subway is a nice place to eat but that just didn't cut it since all I'd eaten was bread all day (and almost all week too actually). But It had to do. The rest of the night went really well even though I didn't really recover from the hunger and annoyance. I even got a ride home.

Well Sunday we were going swimming at the ponds here. That was great fun till during this game of monkey in the middle a guy pushed me under water. Ha haa. Funny yeah had I not gotten water in my ears, mouth, eyes and nose and most likely my lungs too. And well I like to think of myself as a rather easy going person but that was it for me. I got pissed off. The guy was lucky I was choking and yet controlled enough not to hurt him. now I'm just plotting revenge which just seem really stupid but I can't help it. My ears hurt like hell last night and the pressure in my head is still not right. I was supposed to study lots last night but couldn't.

The thing that annoys me most is that I think all the people must think I'm way difficult and get pissed off really easily. No fun there. I'm having trouble wanting to see any of them again and trying to prove otherwise. Well I think I'll go swimming with them again today. Had the tenacity to not go off and leave silently yesterday. So I think I just have to eat well today and try it again.

But yeah all is good in my world. Had the guy not been otherwise cute and nice I might be even more annoyed but I'll see if I can still talk to him today or whenever I see him next. But for now It's off to the library.

I'm going from strange to stranger every year...

It was the song I wanted to hear but didn't. Zen Brain. But hey I got into the Nada Surf concert and successfully had fun all on my own for like the whole night. I was in the third row of people (all standing) and I'm sure the singer saw me and smiled a few times. Yes I'm sure it was me and not the well equipted girl next to me who very annoyingly also taped most of the show on her camera and phone. I however "forgot" my camera since I wasn't even sure I'd get in. So I had to buy a t-shirt to prove I was there...;) Luckily I had just enough money.

I can't remember what song they started with but I'm pretty sure it was from their "Let Go" album. And suprisingly for me the very next song was "Popular". I thought maybe they had gotten bored of playing it but no. Good for me though. They played lots of song I knew (well having listened to all but one of their albums this might not be suprising) and the ones I didn't sounded good so I have to go buy their newest album. They even played this really long set of like 5 songs as an encore so it was a great ending. Lots of fun. Also saw some Jürgens and Dieters but mostly I was just concentrating on not looking too silly smiling by myself.

So today's friday. Also the independence day of France I'm told. I have to decide what I'm going to do. I'll either go watch a movie at this girls place with some other girls or go to this party with the finnish guy where there'll be french people and I'm sure others. Leaning on the party maybe since I'd have to take a bus to the girls place and I think I can take a tram to Mannheim where the party is. Ok so one of the reasons might be the fact that there's only girls watching the movie... You know me. (Or at least maybe) But gotta go. Got a bike today early so no problem getting home. Oh but I could also bike to see the movie. Decisions, decisions.

Just my luck...

So yesterday I was biking to work when I saw this street sign. The text was in two rows but somehow I managed to read "Nada Surf LU". Nada Surf being one of my favorite bands (though I haven't listened to their newest album or the old ones for a while) and LU meaning the city in which I am living. So after an internet search at work (sort of forbidden as is probably me writing in this blog) I found out that the concert is in fact two blocks from where I live and today (thursday). Amazing. So now I have to go to the palce today at eight to see if I am able to get tickets at the door. I asked this finnish guy, whom I've seen twice, to go with me. Don't know if he will but I just have to go there alone then. But I mean how weird is it that I saw the sign just a day before the concert and that the band is playing in this city... Just my luck I guess. :)

Side note... Just went to get my bicycle for the day but the office was already closed. Damn, I have to walk (40 min). Stupid system where I have to return the key every day and get it again. Well tomorrow I have to get the key earlier.

I should get going home. I have to decide if I want to stop by the store on my way. I still have to get trash bags because there is this system where they have to be yellow. My landlord told me I could get them for free in this shopping center, that's on my way home, but I couldn't find the counter or whatever where they hand them out last time. Or maybe I was too scared to ask anyone since people here don't speak and I don't know what to ask for. So I feel sort of silly having to do so much just to take out the trash.

Wish me luck going to the concert. I hope I get in and stuff. Gotta be there brave new Elisa who goes places alone and tries to blabber in German.
(Pauli's been with me at work for the past few days. Maybe I'll take Booli to the concert just to have someone to talk to.)

Monday, monday

I'm at work right now so I have to make this short... So the bad news is that there's no free internet in my appartment. Too bad. Otherwise it's quite a nice place. Nice view. It's not completely set up yet since I had very little time during the weekend since my parents came to visit (no they didn't come just for my sake but were on a roadtrip and decided to stop by...). Had a fun weekend with them. Went to see a castle nearby and went wine tasting. So Now I know at least a few nice places I can take visitors. And yeah I want to go again too since we saw very little of the places.

Today at work I've been falling asleep in front of a microscope looking at crystals. Now I think I should do some studying though I still have some samples to look at. The work is very interesting but for some reason I'm just tired. Maybe it's the noise from last night after the soccer game. I don't even know the result but I'm guessing from the noise that it was Italy. I'm interested in seeing how long I can live without seeing the results somewhere. But back to work now and after work I have to go shopping for tons of things I need for my appartment and life. Like tons of food because I don't want to starve.

Picture of my little friends

So here's the guys. From the left Booli, Gini and Pauli. Gini's been with me at work. I'd take the other's but I'm afraid they couldn't stay quiet.

In the lab

Going into a new lab is always weird. I always sink to the level of a first year chemist and feel really stupid. I had this microscope with a warming system and had to look at some chrystals. The problem was I wasn't really sure what I was looking for. I must have seemed really stupid just heating till they melted and then some. But I got through it. Tomorrow I'll maybe seem a bit brighter and look like I've worked in a lab before, which I have for years now and prided myself for knowing how to do things at the university lab. This is research though and I've never worked in a research lab before. Exciting.

They're really strict about safety here so I have to wear my safety glasses like all the time while I'm in the lab even if I'm on my computer. So today my ears hurt a lot having to wear the glasses on top of my glasses. But there's good news. I get prescription safety glasses! :D I got to choose from like three models and took really great ones... For those who've never seen prescription safety glasses - they're huge and really retro. I get to keep them too. So when I come back I can even play pool with them and actually see where I'm aiming. I'm really excited about this. Cool retro crazy glasses. Too bad I've done all my university labs because it would be like so cool to wear them there. Very groovy. Should have asked if they'd had them in green plastic. Didn't wanna be difficult and well they would not have gotten the joke anyway. Oh I was looking at the glasses on my head with my powder mirror and I think they were looking at me weird. I might have also talked to myself a bit. Not sure about that.

I should get studying right now. Don't want to seem stupid tomorrow though I will anyway doing my "don't know everything -> don't know anything" -act. I don't ask stuff, I just play stupid. Smart I'm sure.

Day 2

So today was the second day at work. I still don't know exactly what I'm going to do but I have been in the lab, gotten my lab coat, glasses and even shoes. The shoes gave me two blisters which wasn't nice at all but luckily I had some blister plasters that I'd gotten from Maria and carried all through my trip in Greece even though my etnies were so great I had no problems with them. Having used all but one of them I needed to get more, which brings me to the story of my first actual "I did it in German" -experience. :) So I was in a shop looking for plasters and could not find Compeed ones wanting to support J&J. So this lady sees me and asks me if I need like blister plasters (sounds like some super watergun doesn't it...) And so I explain to her in German how I have new shoes and so yes. Then se tells me about the anti-blister stick that I did already know about but also wanted when mentioned. And since the store I was in had none she kindly directed me to the nearest pharmacy. But it doesn't end there. I also had to explain my situation in the pharmacy and eventually did get the stick (which wasn't even on the shelf) and plasters though the plasters weren't compeed. So now I'm feeling great about my accomplishment.

Oh a second important thing. I found an appartment. :D It's small and most likely very hot but all mine from thursday on. It's very near the center of Ludwigshafen and I haven't got a long way to work. It doesn't have internet but I'm sure I might be able to steal someone elses wlan for little bits. (Oh no wait I wouldn't do such things..) Well anyway. Welcome to visit everyone!

Lots else happened today too. Quite a good day I should say. I am wondering whether anyone is reading this though since there's no comments...:P Gotta go and get ready for the game and dinner now so till tomorrow maybe.

So today was the first day

Slightly tired. Today was the first day at work. The day was mostly a weird experience of German punctuality combined with the weirc fact that we we not on schedule after like two hours and it seemed like a really big mess. It was also a rather hot day which didn't really help the hurry. I got tons of paper and had to remember what was going where and what I needed to get what and when. Without so even noticing or really knowing what was happening (well I did but it was all a big mess of non-communication and I felt a bit stupid and like a kid) I had openened a bank account and signed some sort of secrecy agreement that I had not read before and couldn't in the hurry since it was like 10 pages in German. Well the good thing is I got my ID card so I can get to work tomorrow and I even got a few peoples phone numbers and plans are on the way to going something with them. I wasn't the only non-German induvidual and I even found another vegetarian so we were diffucult together.

I also got a new phone today. Wasn't planning on it but it's all good. The best things sometimes happen suddenly without planning. I have grown really tired of hte way my phone's menu-buttom keeps either not working or pressing it's self twice when I just want to do it once. Locking the keypad has become something I dread. But all is better now. My new Nokia 6030 has buttons that don't need but a little pushing and voila. Son't know anything about the phone I just bought but it should be able to send sms-messages to all the new friends I'll be getting (well hopefully at least a few) and able me to call them without having to pay lots and lots. That is all phones need to do and there ain't no-one who can tell me different. :P

Right now I need to get sleeping or something. It's been a long day and tomorrow will surely be as long. Awaiting tomorrow though to find out where I will actuallly work since today I just got to do general orientation that wasn't all too great at that either. Oh and I still haven't got an apartment but that problem should maybe be solved tomorrow. Hopefully. (Lots of hoping I know)

Aus Deutschland

So I'm watching this really ridiculous movie about people on a "deserted" island where they have huge beasts like this eagle that just took this girl and huge bugs. Wait it's not an eagle but like a crow (harakka) of some sort. But anyway. I'm watching this movie and Patrick Steward is on it. I'm just really disappointed in him. Going from Captain Pickard to a sucky tv movie made in 2005. It being dubbed in German makes it even worse. Just watching it to get German in my head hoping I'll understand some or hopefully most of the German I'm sure I'll have to understand tomorrow.

So I came to Germany today. Flew in to Frankfurt, found the train station and the right train and got to my destination. Good for me. My instructor/boss picked me up from the train station. So now I'm hanging out at her and her boyfriends place while they're off climbing somewhere. I'm happy. I got my computer on the net and food in my stomach. Just came back from a bike ride. They have cool ponds that you could swim in right near here. I really felt like going for a dip but didn't. Maybe next weekend. Though I don't know where I'll be living then. Perfect weather. Not even too hot really. I can hear the kids at the pond that's like 50m away.

Tomorrow's my first day at work. Kind of nervous. Mostly about how I'll get vegetarian food at the lunch they're serving after my orientation. I should probably have told someone about me being difficult and not eating meat. Well at least my boss will know when we go to have dinner tonight.

Commercial break.

Hey ho, let's go

I'm leaving tomorrow, on a jet plane. I don't know when I'll be back again. :D Not really nervous. I'll probably just wake up tomorrow morning (plane leaving at 8 am) and not wanna go just to get a bit more sleep. Then I'll get up, take a shower and eat something quickly. Then I'll go outside to wait for the cab and be way too early. Oh well. I hope the trip goes well.

Last few days have been really great. I've been a tourist in the Helsinki-area. Never had so much fun in this part of the country. Went to the Korkeasaari zoo, Linnanmäki amusementpark and today I got to go kayaking. Fun fun fun. The only problem is my arms are hurting right now from the paddling. So I should have fun carrying my 20 kilo (or maybe just a bit more...) bag tomorrow. As long as they let me on the plane I should all work out. Maybe I should be nervous but I can always leave the worrying for tomorrow and to my mom.

But that's it for this little detour in Finland. Thanks to all the people who've been housing this homeless traveler for the past week or so. It's been great.